Want to know why I watched
this movie 'The Prophecy II'? Because when I was at the
Dollar General a few months back, and I saw this movie in
their bargain bin for one dollar. A greenback. A sawbuck.
You can't beat that with a stick. So I bought it, and a few
other choice titles, and figured I'd watch it, at least
after I saw the first Prophecy. And was this movie worth a
dollar? Well, considering I saw what I think could've
possibly been a flash of a Jennifer Beals side-boob… then
yes, it was more than worth that dollar.
The last time we saw the angel Gabriel (Christopher Walken),
Satan was eating his heart and dragging him into hell.
Apparently, having Gabriel around is absolutely no fun so
Satan was like "I don't where you gonna go, but you have to
get the hell outta here", so just as he was cast out of
heaven, Gabriel is now cast out of hell. It blows when no
one wants you. Speaking from experience over here.
We will get back to Gabriel in a bit, but this film concerns
the plight of the nurse Valerie Rosales (Beals) who was
minding her own business when some random super handsome
dude fell out the sky and landed on her car. Now for full
disclosure, I have no particular views on the handsomeness
of one Russell Wong, but years ago I was at a dinner with a
friend and his girl kept going on and on and on about how
beautiful Mr. Wong was. Heck if I know how that conversation
came up, but it was really annoying. They are not together
anymore.
Anyway, nurse Valerie takes this cat to her hospital, his
name Danyael, spelled all biblical like, he heals crazy-fast
for someone who just fell out the sky, it's not lost on
Valerie that this dude is super handsome and a fast and
furious one night stand shall ensue. Followed by Danyael
getting the heck out there in the morning, followed by an
unwanted pregnancy. As you probably know, Danyael is in
angel and somehow knocking up this woman will finally bring
an end to the war in heaven. Don't ask how, because I don't
know how.
Back to Gabriel, he's up
to his old tricks doing that thing he does, he's gone and
found a new reluctant ghoul in Izzy (the late Brittany
Murphy), and he's discovered the existence of Valerie and
her situation and he needs to end it. Again, similar to the
first movie, the details of why any of this is has to happen
is lost on me.
The good thing for Valerie is that Danyael didn't just hit
that and quit that as he is looking out for her, even taking
her to his boss the Arch Angel Michael (Eric Roberts), who
we have to admit is completely worthless. I was seriously
looking for a legendary showdown between living legends
Christopher Walken and Eric Roberts but I did not get that.
I got the Arch Angel Michael saying some cryptic nonsense,
stepping to the side to let Gabriel kill this woman, and
completely washing his hand of this mess. Very
disappointing. Not that any of this changes the fact that
Gabriel will no doubt fail again in his efforts to end the
age of man. Again, I don't know why any of this is
happening.
Directed by Greg Spence this time around, let's look at the
Tale of the Tape in relation to the first movie. Amazingly,
this movie might be a little more lucid than the first
movie, while also leaving me just as baffled as to what the
endgame to any of this is. This movie also had a lot more
action than the first movie, with the director cramming in
as much run and chase action as he could, considering the
reduced budget and the brief running time. We could also say
that Jennifer Beals is arguably hotter than Virginia Madsen,
though I'm not going to argue with anyone who disagrees with
this, and one could also argue that Russell Wong is
handsomer than Elias Koteas. Again, no argument from me if
someone wants to argue this. And most importantly, we still
have the Walken Factor doing that thing that ONLY
Christopher Walken can do. I don't even think there's a
description or definition of that thing, but he's the only
one capable of doing it.
Thus it pains me to say that despite the increased action
and the arguably better looking people… albeit less talented
people… not so arguable… 'The Prophecy II' was kind of
lacking. It's not like the first movie was gangbusters or
anything, but it did have this deadly seriousness about it
that did its best to trick you into thinking that that
something important was going on. Especially when Viggo
showed up sprouting vitriol. This movie had the feel of what
it was, that being a shot on the quick, on the cheap,
assembly line project to close out a year end budget for
some movie studio.
Everything about this movie was run of the mill. The action,
the performances, the setup… but I will say the narrative
was a little unique with the concept that bastard angel
babies will save us all in some way, and of course we still
have Christopher Walken hanging out, and despite where he
might be in a movie… directed by Spielberg, Tarantino or
this dude, Walken is going to bring his best. We call that
'professionalism' where I come from.
'The Prophecy II' isn't a bad movie, not really, it just
kind of feels like an insignificant one. Sure, almost all
movies are insignificant, but most just don't feel that way.
But if one is a Walken completest, this is still something
to see.
