Underworld:  Evolution.  Okay.  Give me moment while I gather myself.  Good, I think I’m ready now.  Let’s get a couple things out of the way first.  Kate Beckinsdale is hotter than that Ipod you bought off the street for your granny last Christmas.  Sizzling.  Simply outstanding.  Also, this sequel, though bigger, louder, faster, prettier, and more action filled than the original Underworld isn’t as nearly as good a movie.  But then, this thing really isn’t a movie at all, but 105 minute bloody, violent carnival thrill ride.

But let’s get to the ‘story’.  We’re greeted in 1202 A.D. where a cavalry of vampires lead by their ‘father’ Marcus (not Viktor as we were lead to believe the original) searches for his twin brother, Michael, who is the father of the Lycans.  These original Lycans though aren’t as evolved as today’s Lycans.  They are wolves 24/7 and have an insatiable appetite for destruction.  Michael is killing everything in sight and needs to be controlled.  Marcus agrees, but doesn’t want his beloved twin harmed, theory being that if either Marcus or Michael were to perish, the bloodlines of the Lycans and Vampires would end on the spot.  They capture Michael, and Viktor forces Marcus to imprison his brother for all time.  This entire ‘story’ was squeezed between a good five minutes of frantic impalings, stabbings, screaming, running, and death dealing.

Fast forward to present day, to the events just after ‘Underworld’.  Selena (Sizzlin’ Kate) and her Vamp, Lycan Hybrid boyfriend Mike (Scott Speedman) are trying sort some things out.  He’s coming to grips with fact he needs blood and flesh to survive, she wants to know her roots.  Marcus is awoken and is hunting Selena and Mike because they both have secrets he needs to set his twin free so they can rule the WORLD!  or something. 

The ‘story’, which was ‘written’ by Danny McBride tosses the whole Lycan versus Vampire thing out the window and focuses on some ‘bigger picture’, also involving Marcus’ and Michaels’ father, an immortal played by the always outstanding British actor Derek Jacobi.  But let’s get real.  This flick is about Kate in spandex, Lycans getting their heads ripped off, vampire ripping into flesh, big guns being fired repeatedly (at things they have little effect on no less), and car chases with everything moving at hyper speed, They even tosses in some gratuitous breast for good measure.  And there ain’t nothing wrong that.

So, is Underworld: Evolution a good movie?  No, not really.  Does it plot huge plot holes?  Well, it actually IS a hole a little plot floating around in that hole.  Does Kate Beckinsdale look good in black spandex?  Oh yeah.  Should you go see it?  Definitely.  Make sure it’s at a theater with great sound, the biggest screen and that auditorium is full.  Watching this violent, bloody, mayhem filled roller coaster ride at home on DVD will force you to think about what’s happening, and you don’t want that man.  You don’t want that.

Why are people so crazy about Werewolf and Vampire movies? What is it about them that capture our imagination? Well, whatever it is, it is on full display in stylish Underworld: Evolution.  Kate Beckinsale reprises her role of Selene, the sexy leather outfit wearing vampire death dealer who used to hunt lycans. In the last Underworld movie, she discovered a hybrid (part vampire part lycan) named Michael Corvin (played by Scott Speedman), and she eliminated the vampire leader. So U:E is built around the story that Selene and Michael on the run, as they search for the truth of their origins. And along that journey, they run into an historian who fills you in on the plot of the movie (in a 3 minute burst of history and lore), and they join forces with the immortal Corvinus (the father of the twin brothers, one of whom was the first vampire and one of whom was the first lycan). The two brothers aspire to join forces, to fill the power vacuum created by the death of the vampire leader (from the first movie), and Selene and Michael must stop them. Underworld: Evolution is not about the characters, nor is it about the plot (which again is given only about 3 minutes of screen time).  Instead, this movie is all about the killing of stylized creatures, in whichever ways can create the biggest blood spatter. And it's all about Kate Beckinsale in a really tight, really sexy leather suit.  This movie is great to look at, and on this basis alone, I think you will like this movie.